Something To Think About: The Death Of Jose I. Tsup

Hindi Wala speaks about the death of Jose I. Tsup in Manila:  “This is KKRO reporter, Hindi Wala, bringing you world news from Los Angeles California.  While we endured some brutal wind gusts, in the Philippines, Friday the 13th proved its worth when thousands of Filipino women took to the streets, lamenting the death of their “hero”, Jose I. Tsup.  To be sure, Tsup’s death was not unexpected since he had been ailing for months.  However, the finality of it was more than many a female Filipino heart could bear.  After all, it was Tsup who had invented Tsup Tsup, a novel form of osculation that often seems to the uninformed more like an off-center collision between two unequal masses moving in opposite directions than an act of intimacy.  Story has it that one day Tsup was experimenting with his wife, Isabel, and that both of them were in a hurry to go to work.  Their lips bounced quickly off each other and the rest is history.

Donations may be made to the Philippine Society for the Promotion of Tsup Tsuping.

You heard it first on KKRO where we keep You in the Know!”

Beauty Of The Salad Is Breathtaking: The Best Of Gloria Russakov, Part 2.

Gloria Russakov worked with a staff from Oregon Magazine to evaluate a slough of restaurants in Oregon.  Her reviews are both personal and humorous. She describes herself as “the short woman in the big glasses” and always paid for her meals.  She warns people to be careful when eating at Samovar Bakery-Restaurant Lunch in Beaverton:  Nothing upsets the staff more than to see the Amerikanskis(Amerikantsy) blatantly waste food.  Even reassuring them that you like your lunch, but that some 5’2″ females are susceptible to weight gain even on Perrier, will not assuage their anger.  Leavings trigger grimaces, shrugged shoulders, mumbles of “terrible” in two languages, and a posse which runs after you with the unfinished apple strudel you were trying to escape.  However, Gloria can become quite poetic when she encounters a creative dish:  “Beauty of the salad is breathtaking.  Chunks of cucumber, zucchini, green pepper, celery, iceberg lettuce and tomato all tossed with an oil-based sweet and sour dressing accented with onion, all bordered with tall cabbage leaves.  Flowers from The Country Inn garden are arranged among the layers of leaves.”  Such is the description of a salad from The Country Inn in Eugene.  Compare this with the salad at The Keeping Room in Cannon Beach:  “Salad is one of those combinations no one(wisely) bothered inventing before.  Pieces of cantaloupe are combined with pieces of cucumber, then dressed with a semi-sweet, watery white dressing.  All are deposited on a lettuce leaf to catch the run-off.”  Her description of their cheesecake is positively lethal:  While it(ginger cheesecake) inspired one California tourist to write in for the recipe, it inspired another to grab her coffee cup, gulp fast and rush down the block to cleanse her palate with nibbles from the leaves of nasturtiums planted in front of the White Bird Gallery.  Nasturtium leaves are visually appealing, impeccably fresh and mercifully unsauced.”

“The Waiter Is More Authentic Than The Food”: The Best Of Gloria Russakov, Part 1.

Gloria Russakov was a humorous restaurant critic  for the Portland area and the author of Guide To Eating Out In Portland.  In 1978, Oregon Magazine published Gloria Russakov’s Guide To Oregon Restaurants, a delightfully witty and funny book that I turn to often in times of trouble.  Although, I’ve visited only a few of the restaurants in the book, I find her prose quite entertaining and fun to read.

In her introduction to the guide, she argues that abstinence in reference to delicious food is not the answer.  To prove her point, she states:  “Learning that this planet still houses cultures that figure bride-price by the pound,… and cellulite is merely a contemporary synonym for Rubinesque, I have evolved a food philosophy I can live with.  Deliciously.”  She affirms that great cuisine does reside in the state of Oregon, however, she warns that:  “Standing between you and gastronomic heaven is an almost impassable mountain range of boxed croutons.  Impenetrable rolls reheated in microwave ovens.  Cascades of iced tea made from a mix.  Dense forests of iceberg lettuce with shredded cabbage thorns,…  and the frozen bodies of thousands of chickens from Kiev who all died with their wing tips saluting.”

Gloria’s guide separates restaurants according to regions:  The Coast, Portland Area, Willamette Valley and South and East of the Cascades.  She uses the star system, and only one restaurant, The Pancake House in Portland, receives her perfect rating of four stars.  About Lucas Lodge, no star, in Agness, she has this to say:  “Spring water at the outdoor fountain by the porch is delicious.  One lucky child gets to ring the dinner bell. Water and bell are the highlights.  Especially, if it’s your kid,…”     Her 11/2 * rating of Valley River Inn from the Willamette Valley contains the following lines:  “Service is that delicious mix of professionalism mingled with college-boy innocence…  The waiter is more authentic than the food.”

Bassoon Bride

When I was in the Rockies

a pluckin’ with a band,

I spied a bassoon player,

and asked her for her hand.

Her eyes were green and friendly.

Her figure lank and tall.

And when she smiled at me,

my heart began to crawl.

I pulled her to the corner,

so she was mine alone.

Then all the guys around me

commenced in to groan.

“She’ll never play a fiddle

or  strum a mandolin,

so walk away without her

or you’ll commit a sin.”

I didn’t listen to them,

but claimed her all the same.

She kissed me very gently,

which proved she was my dame.

When I walked down the aisle,

my chest swelled up with pride.

My ring was on her finger.

I got my bassoon bride!

A Little Humor And A Little Wisdom

While I was doing my usual spring cleaning and dust was flying about, I found the following items:

1.  “You don’t have to worry about termites in Montana, they just freeze!”  –Elsie Birkholz

2.  “Cohen was a lovely husband, but he’s no good frozen.”  –Allan Sherman, “J.C. Cohen” from For Swingin’ Livers Only!

3.  The first words that a single mother’s child learns to say:  “Ma-ma”, “Mo-ney.”

4.  Russians are very proud that they don’t resemble Eastern or Western civilization!

5.  “A critic is a person who can turn something into nothing.”  –Hans Christian Andersen

6.  “A lifetime is more

than sufficiently long

for people to get what there is of it

wrong!”  –Piet Hein, from Grooks

7.  “The interesting thing is not actually reaching B, but in how one gets from A to B.”  –Don Juan, The Art of Seduction

8.  “The way to deal with something deadly serious is to try to treat it a little lightly.”  –Mrs Which, from Madeleine L’Engle’s A Wrinkle in Time

A Dollop Of Humor

A dollop of humor:

1.  The bad news is I’m chronically depressed.  The good news is I’m in denial.

2.  Rock Creek Falls on the North Umpqua should be rated Class 7, because if you navigate the falls successfully, the fishermen will shoot you.

My Russian Air Conditioning

I consider myself a most fortunate man, because I am surrounded by people, who think of my well-being.  My architect went out of his way to ensure that not a precious ray of sunshine escapes my room, so that I should not suffer from an overdose of oxygen.  My mailman is conscientious enough to deliver my neighbor’s mail to me on a regular basis , so I will get sufficient exercise.  My “significant other” drains my wallet monthly, so I’m not burdened with too much money.  And I am the first on the block to have a repairman install Russian air conditioning.  When the technician arrived, he told me he was a Russian from the Ukraine and that he had a special treat for me:  “This pound of freon will only cost you $150.  If I had come the day next, it might have cost you $400.”  When he left he said: “You can count your stars lucky.  You have Russian air conditioning made in China.”  So I sit and I schwitz, and I choke and I croak.  However, occasionally I feel a stream of lukewarm air wheezing through the vent and am content.  I have Russian air conditioning.