When France Meets Russia, It’s A Laughing Matter

Recently, Russian President Vladimir Putin offered famous French actor Gerard Depardieu a Russian passport.  This was in response to the actor’s rage over the French government’s plan to raise taxes for those with high incomes.  The French actor called Russia a great democracy, and went to Mordovia, his new homeland.  Depardieu is scheduled to play Rasputin in an upcoming film.  Among Russians, the Frenchman’s arrival produced a spate of anecdotes and much laughter.  I offer some samples:

1.  Last year I asked Santa Claus to make Gerard Depardieu my compatriot.  Who knew that the old man would take me seriously?

2.  Depardieu began to think a 75% French tax wasn’t so bad after what he had to pay for his hotel in Sochi and for skiing in the Red Field.

3.  “Ivan, did you hear that the Frenchman Depardieu has arrived?”  ”  200 years ago the  French stuck in their noses and learned there was absolutely nothing here.”

4.  “Mr. President,  why did you give Depardieu a Russian passport?  After all, he’s a Frenchman!”  “What do you mean he’s a Frenchman?  He’s a genuine ‘new Russian’.”(a very rich Russian)

5.  Last year there was a flood of protests concerning immigrants.  “As if we didn’t have enough Tadzhiks, Uzbeks and people from Azerbaijan.  Now, the French are pushing through.  What do they think, that Moscow is made of rubber?”

6.  Russian nationalists have a new slogan:  “Suitcase, railway station, France!”

7.  Russian patriots will walk in T-shirts embroidered with the Smolensk highway, which Napoleon used to escape.  They will hold up a road sign:  Mister Depardieu, France 2800 kilometers.

Some More Russian Humor

Here are more examples of Russian humor:

1.  During a class in the theory of probability, the professor asks:  ” Which is more likely to occur,  the birth of a boy, or a girl?”  A student answers:  “The birth of a Chinese boy.”

2.  In Germany, what is permitted is permitted, and what is forbidden is forbidden.  In France, what is permitted is permitted, and what is forbidden is also permitted.  In Russia, what is forbidden is forbidden, and what is permitted is also forbidden.

3.  When bad little girls die, they go to heaven to serve good little boys.